The notion of single-parenting, especially by women, has dominated the parenting discourse and many

might believe it is the norm in Jamaica.  However, there are some men who are single- parenting their children, and many who are co-parenting with wives or partners and have not skirted nor withdrawn

from their responsibility. Often these progressive fathers are not showcased and their positive involvement in their children’s lives is not recognized nor noted as a viable and important cultural contribution to the development of the entire society.

All too often we hear about the negative impacts of absentee fathers and the widespread “baby-mother” man who is nothing more than a sperm dropper, who has fathered several children with several different women and is not bearing any financial or emotional responsibility. While fatherhood and fathering can vary from man to man, I believe there are some basic values or even norms to which active fathers ascribe. My definition: a father is a man who is actively involved in the daily life and welfare of his child or children, offering love, guidance and protection. While, historically, emphasis was not placed on the importance of fathers, equal to the importance of mothers, researchers, over the last three-plus decades have been advocating and promoting the daily involvement of fathers in every aspect of their children’s lives.  Dads play a necessary and pivotal role in the lives of  boys and girls, helping to bolster their self-esteem and confidence, providing guidance that results in better academic performance, and producing overall well-rounded individuals.

As an academic, I value data generated from research, but I also know that lived reality is of paramount importance. Hence, I sought out three fathers to learn how they see their role as fathers in their children’s lives. Each was asked the same 3 questions, the first,” How do you define your role as a father?” Roderick, married with five boys, ages 20, 17, 14, 11 and 8, responds in what some might consider a more traditional manner. “My role is the authority figure, the one who demonstrates manhood to my children. The father’s role is to teach, correct, provide, protect, to give security and guide his children and to help them to make wise decisions.” Roderick  admits that he is still learning how to be a good father, especially with regard to his oldest son, whom he defines as very intelligent, “ yet he is still finding it difficult to make certain wise decisions when his youthful adrenaline kicks in.” Roderick is always there “to support and help him to balance his life.” Roderick wants fathers to understand that their children need them at all ages, as they go through different phases of their lives.

Charles, the father of 2 boys, ages 11 and 12, believes his role as a father is to understand his children, then adds, “also guide, protect and discipline  them because love sown from a father to a child is  also inclusive of discipline and corrections.” In response to my second question:”Why is it important that fathers are present in their children’s lives?” Charles offered this insight. “One of the most important aspects of being a father is that of celebration. I love to celebrate with my children when they get something right so that the feeling will last a long time. I will try whatever to make the celebration memorable.” This practice of celebrating your child’s life, not just on birthdays, is really a caveat that I encourage more parents to incorporate into their practice. Charles invites fathers “to experience life through your children, but not to grow them to be you or to do all the things that you wanted to be.”  Although he recognizes that your child won’t listen  and might consider you antiquated, he has discovered that they do listen and that parents “can sit back and watch them [children] heed  many of the things that you told them before.”

Jayson, father of twins, a boy and a girl, age 7, and a 14-year-old daughter is a Counselor and sees his role as a father as a four-pronged involvement: “Making sure all of their basic needs are met, having “resources to capitalize on their educational opportunities at a minimum to university and to protect my children.”  Jayson also believes there is an essential male role as a socializing agent, “ by expressing my emotions in a healthy and acceptable way; respecting, managing disagreements and conflicts between us in a harmonious way and being very intentional.” Jayson knows that fatherlessness can result in maladaptive behaviour that leads to crime and violence, so he urges those fathers who are home, but not involved in their children’s lives to get up off the sofa and be psychologically present. Acknowledging that “parenting is the toughest job,” he also appeals to those men who might not have had positive father role models “to break that cycle and be present in your child’s life.”

The three fathers echoed a similar appeal  to absentee fathers, “Don’t relive what was handed down to you and what is becoming the norm; you have the power to break the generational cycle.”  Roderick acknowledges that unhealthy fatherhood has been modeled for far too long, so he says “ Remember that your child/children need you and you also need them, if not now, then later.”

Today as we rightly pay homage to fathers and acknowledge their roles as equal to that of mothers, I invite all men who have fathered children to be mindful of Charles’ appeals, “Get present! No matter how hard it is, no matter if you having problems with the mother or have to take her to Court. Make sure you’re in your child’s life because it is the most important award  and reward that you can  give your child.”

Happy Father’s Day to all men who are fathering their own children as well as others, and many joyous blessings.

                                                                  –30–