I’ve long felt there was something innately wrong with praying to someone nailed to a cross. It is a vulgar image, and made more vulgar if I am to believe that the allegedly most powerful person in the world would sacrifice his only son, when the power was in his hand to change the hearts and minds of the persecutors, to whisk away his son, or to eradicate violence all together.

How has this image of “god’s” son nailed to a cross inscribed for us that violence is acceptable? For me it portrays the father as untrustworthy, a man willing to let his son suffer — for the salvation oh mankind? I don’t buy it. Not a pill I am prepared to swallow. As a parent, I find the representation of such as father reprehensible, and certainly no one with whom I have any faith. So where does that lead me?

I read the story with its patriarchal endorsement of violence, and I shift my gaze to the mother going to the grave site and the resurrection — after all it is women who must always weep, and use our tears to wash away man’s violence and transform it into something palatable and hopeful.

Given the global pandemic, Resurrection at this time, is being called for — rising from our slumber into greed, rising from our disregard for the environment, for one another, and for the future we ought to be creating. How do we resurrect our vision? How do we imagine and begin to fashion a new way of existence and development? How do we climb out of the quagmire of mediocrity into which we have stumbled and become community again?

I believe we can. I know we can. I am pronouncing that we will. Our very survival depends on our resurrection from violence and wastefulness.

Let’s begin this new journey and create a cross, not to worship, but to step forth with a vision that is humane and equitable.

You gave me Lean on me

an anthem for

peoplehood

supporting and helping

each other to stand

you said it was more than okay

to need  to lean sometime

on someone and you would

be that someone

that leaning could be fortifying

and strength building

cause we all need someone

to lean on

You made me look

at my own hands

differently and those

of my mother

after you sang

Grandma’s Hands

hands were never the same

again for me and hundreds

of children in the Oakland

School district

for whom I played

your song to inspire

them to write incredible

poetry about their hands

their grandmas and friends’ hands

You gave such a spin to

Use Me

made me realize

that love was need

and someone using me

and me using someone

was not always bad

could be a deep love

a need as  raw

as plants needing the sun

and you made me come to know

that no one could ever use me up

How could you

when you opened my heart

to understand what

makes a Lovely Day

is the presence of another

a lover   a child   a friend

how we are motivated

and uplifted by the

existence of others

than turn an ordinary day

Into a Lovely Day

I want more of such days

with your voice. calling it in

Similarly

a broken heart

can block all the rays

so no matter how I try

Aint no Sunshine

when you’re gone

is the only reality

I can experience

In that moment

our interconnectedness

taking me out

causing me to forget

my truth

But you bring me right back

Into life into nature

Into the dream of union

that together

Just the Two of Us

can return  and restore

the two us are

enough

enough

to soar

as you are soaring now

my brother   writer and singer

of songs that thunder…

The COVID-19 pandemic has ushered in an uncertain and stressful period that impacts not only our physical, but also our psychological and emotional wellbeing. Although the world is better prepared to deal with disaster, the area that is still lacking is gender differential and also guidelines to take care of our emotional well-being. Most of the advice from officials  on the pandemic focus mainly on general sanitation, with very little on the emotional impacts, especially on children, as well as the different needs of women, men and elders. Even though my children are young adults I have been in constant conversation with them over the last several days.

While having children out of school and many parents working from home may allow for more quality time with family, it can also increase stress. In trying to sooth the fears of children, many conscious parents tend to forget that it is not enough to say to children “you are safe” or “I will take care of you”. It is not enough to show them cabinets full of food and give them a tablet to entertain themselves. Children are very sensitive and need to be able to make sense of the conflicting information receive.

I recommend that parents start with the premise that your child or children are potentially emotionally traumatised. My twelve year old grandniece confided that she was scared of dying or of her parents dying. Each child is different and will respond differently depending on age, gender and innate personality, but as they witness the frenzy or hear snippets of news and try to make sense of it all, they will handle this crisis more effectively if they are given space and time to process their new lifestyle.

Conscious parents have to be mindful of warning signs of stress in children. One of the most common forms of coping in children is to block the noise, so don’t shout at or reprimand your child if you are calling them and they are not responding.  This is their way of coping.

Parents need to be mindful too that when they are under a lot of stress their patience may run thin. When my children were young and I was a single parent, I found it necessary to institute time out for everyone. Time out allowed me to gather my own thoughts and offer my children an opportunity to be quiet and meditate and be thankful for all they have.  Here are some tips to encourage mindfulness:

1. Maintain a routine. Children need free time, but most thrive on routine so set work time, quiet time and bed time in the house.

2. Require that children take regular breaks from school work or playing games or working on tablets every 50 minutes to rest and focus their eyes and minds.

3. Stipulate that your child go outside and get fresh air and sunlight.

4. Plan exercise time, which is important so jump rope, hula hoop; kick footballs and ride bicycles. This might even be the time to learn to climb a trees which teaches good coordinating skills. Reading to each other is a good activity, have them paint or draw, and play board games.

5. Nature is a respite. This is an opportunity to teach children to honour and respect nature and to pay keener attention to it . Teach children the names of trees, plants and flowers.  Spend time with them inspecting the patterns and colours of the Bougainvillea, the Ixora, the Hibiscus, the delicate bloom of the Poui and the crinoline shaped, soft  pink flowering cedar trees, and  the almond trees, leaves turning red, falling and carpeting the ground.

6. Provide time for your children to express how they feel without censorship. If your child says they are afraid, do not discount their feelings by saying, “You have nothing to be afraid of.” Honour and acknowledge their feelings: “I hear that you are afraid, and I am doing everything I can to protect you and ensure that you are safe.”

7. Prepare your child, if you should become ill, the symptoms to look for, who to call and what to do. Do not leave anything to chance. The more prepared you are, the better prepared your child will be.

8. Engage in religious or spiritual practice – whatever your religious or spiritual practise, now is the time to make this part of your daily routine with your child. Institute a time for reflection and expressing gratitude.

9. Provide daily opportunity for children to express how they feel — mental wellness is key. Their feelings might change from day-to-day. Do not interruption them when they are explaining how they are feeling or put your words into their mouths.

10. Be conscious of children overeating; don’t pacify children with sweets and ice-cream. Maintain a healthy diet of fruit, protein and starch.

I invite parents to take this time as an opportunity to talk openly with your child and allow children to share their feelings in an open and safe manner. Listen keenly without judgment. Observe your children for signs of stress or anxiety,  lack of appetite, over-eating, or extremely quiet, bed-wetting. Also, remember that you don’t have to appear invincible.  Research suggests it helps  when parents say, “I’m a little scared too, but I have taken all the precautions to ensure our safety.

Finally this is a great time for storytelling and helping children to develop their imagination.

Play a cure game – have children think of  ways to cure for the  COVID 19. This will empower them to feel as if they have a stake in the welfare of their society and the world. And despite the call to refrain from personal contact, your children will need to be physically comforted and hugged.

In local music, in the streets, at parties, almost everywhere you could go, Jamaican men assert they are good lovers and brag about their sexual prowess. Yet, if the majority of Jamaican women I interviewed in a survey almost 30 years ago are to be believed, this is just not so, and Jamaican men really are not good in bed.

At the time, I conducted a survey on a limited number of Jamaican women on sexuality. The majority of the women – 70 per cent – had never experienced an orgasm, and 90 per cent admitted to not being satisfied by their partner. All of the women said they would never tell their partner that they were not satisfied because, as one put it, “Mi dear, de man dem don’t want to hear dem not good. Dem think dem doing something, but is themselves alone them doing most of the time”.

Over the last 20 years or so, some Jamaican female singers have made it known that their Jamaican lovers are not giving them the satisfaction they crave and that some men ‘last’ less than a minute, which is sorely inadequate. These proclamations have led to a lessening of the boastful tendencies of many Jamaican men. Still, the image of the virile, long-lasting Jamaican man dominates, and it is this disconnect that has led to the culture of sexual violence prevalent in Jamaica. The hyper-stereotype contributes to disregard for women, their rights, their bodies, and to rape. The widespread sexual harassment on the streets, in clubs, at the workplace, and in the supermarket from all ages and classes of men speaks to this disregard.

Women have the power to dismantle this prevailing culture of disregard, and one way that they can do this is by withholding sex, an act of subterfuge and empowerment which has been used in a variety of ways to bring greater awareness to issues. African-American male filmmaker Spike Lee advocated this stance in his movie, Chi-Raq, to end violence in Chicago. I myself endorse ‘Lock It Up’ and appeal to all my fellow Jamaicans to join me from February 1 to March 8, in withholding sex from their partners in protest against the constant stream of sexual and domestic violence against our women.

The reaction of some men to ‘Lock It Up’ has been both surprising and alarming.  A fair number have freely expressed their objection to the call for women to refrain from sexual intercourse in protest of the escalating rape and murder of our women.  What is most distressing, and speaks to the lack of empathy or concern for the plight of women, is the response by some men, who said that if women ‘lock shop’ and refuse men sex, that it would cause men to get angry and lead to more rape.  As one man put it: “If dem lock it down, dat will force a man fi tek what him want.”

Is that all men want?

Another man lamented: “Why me must get punish for de bad man dem.”

These are but two of the comments from men which demand analysis. That a man who considers himself a “good” man believes any man has the right to ‘take it’, that is have forced sex – rape – a woman for withholding sex, then he is both advocating and condoning rape. He is himself a potential rapist, and, even more egregiously, is effectively saying that a woman has no right to her body and has no right to refuse sex, for she is nothing more than a vessel for a man’s release.

That some men feel that sex withheld is punishment, indicates that such men believe sex is a reward. These two responses point to the entire range of men’s objections. None of them sympathised.  None of them decried rape. None of them said that what is happening to women is awful. All of them were focused on their own needs. It is as if they refused to hear the real story here – that our women are being raped and murdered. I believe their response is not an anomaly but is common and widespread and speaks to the sustained increase in rape and murders of Jamaican women.

More so, it indicates how much more education and awareness needs to happen in our society, even among so-called “good men”. If what Steven Stewart-Williams says in his 2019 article Nurture Alone Can’t Explain Male Aggression “…sex differences in aggression come entirely from the environment: from culture rather than biology, nurture rather than nature. Let’s call this the Nurture Only position”, then we have to work harder to educate men; we have to make men realise that sex is neither a reward nor a right.

I am inviting my conscious men and women to join me in refraining from sexual intercourse from February 1 to March 8 to bring awareness to domestic violence and rape.    Together, we can, and must, make a difference.  During this time, talk to your colleagues, men in the street, in bars, on the tennis courts, football fields, and on the beaches and seek solutions to how we can solve this crime. Write to the Minister of Justice, the Police Commissioner, and other agencies to let them know that this must end, and that you are doing your part. Take this opportunity to understand your needs, your own deep-seated attitudes about sex, and the role sex plays in your life. During this one month of voluntary abstinence, be nonsexual, intimate, find out what your partner likes, express your own desires, understand that sexual intimacy is the great connection between two people when it engages, the mind, body and spirit. Now is the time and opportunity to have these conversations.

Rape is a crippling disease that has infected our society and is wreaking havoc in many lives. It thwarts our development and our potential to be a great nation. It has stymied one half of our population, many of whom live in fear for their lives and their bodies. As a people and as a nation let us say no to rape and domestic violence.  Join me in refraining from sexual activity from February 1 to March 8. Show your support and empathy for your mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, cousins, wives and lovers.  Let us expose the ugly and damaging impact of rape and general disregard many men have for women.  I thank you for your support.

Five reasons to support ‘Lock It Up’

1. You believe in human rights.
2. You abhor violence.
3. You love and respect women.
4. You know and believe that rape and domestic violence are wrong.
5. You believe in a woman’s right to say who and when another person interacts with her body.